Lately, this song has been living rent free in my mind: What Was I Made For? by Billie Eilish. While it is a sad song, it became the soundtrack to a season where I found myself wrestling with something I never expected to face so deeply: imposter syndrome.
At the beginning of this quiet storm, I questioned everything. I questioned my abilities, my strength, my worth. I found myself going down a rabbit hole that was leading me somewhere I knew was not good for my mental health.
There is a line in the song that says, “I think I used to know, but I’m not sure now.” Those words stopped me every time I heard them because they captured exactly how I was feeling. I knew who I was. I knew what I had accomplished. I knew how hard I worked. Yet, somehow I was slowly convincing myself that maybe, just maybe, I was not enough at all.
After a few days of sitting with those thoughts, I made a choice. I decided that if no one was going to remind me of who I was, then I would remind myself. I chose to speak to myself with the same kindness, grace, and encouragement that I so freely give to everyone else. That did not make all of the fear disappear overnight, but it helped me climb out of the hole I was digging for myself.
I am still working through those fears. Some days are easier than others. There are moments when doubt still tries to creep in, but I am learning that healing is not about never questioning yourself again. It is about refusing to let those questions define who you are.
If you are walking through your own rainy chapter, I hope you will give yourself grace. You do not have to have everything figured out to keep moving forward. You do not have to feel fearless to be courageous.
You are worthy.
You are capable.
You have something meaningful to offer this world.
Keep believing in yourself, especially on the days when you forget how incredible you truly are. It’s okay to be in your feelings. It’s okay to cry. It’s okay to have questions.
Just DON’T unpack and live there.
The storm will not hide your light forever. You were created to shine, and one rainy chapter can never take that away.
Keep shining,
Lainy